To Let Go of A Second Chance
by MadameLivi
Summary: Clare realizes her wrongs in her relation with Eli and goes to apologize when she's greeted by the face of betrayal. What will she do when her reason of life doesn't need her?
1. Chapter 1

To Stop One Heart from Crashing

I sat on the edge of the street, my head between my hands. No one knew what I felt. No one saw the inside. Crushed, yet barely a sophomore in high school, I could almost die. Yet there was one thing that kept the slow, heartbroken pulse in my blood alive. And he betrayed me.

I never wanted to love Jake Martin, but the one that betrayed me never loved me. Jake was kind, of course, but he was to stereotypical. The clean mouthed, athlete on honor roll that loved puppies and sunshine, that guy wasn't for me. I kissed him twice, that's all, and it wasn't the same. It never would be. We stopped dating a week ago.

I realized my wrongs to the one that had betrayed me and went to apologize that night. I walked to his door step and rang the bell. We had only broken up a month ago; maybe he'd still like me. I was praying to Jesus and the Lord that my beloved would hug me tight when I came clean.

The door opened but I never looked up, I couldn't stand it, but I knew it was him at the door, I felt it. If his face should read disgust, I should feel of it. If his eyes should show betrayal, I should die of it. I began to plead my case.

"I am not perfect. I get overwhelmed. I don't know what to do soon enough to make the right choice. I am human. I get scared. The biggest mistake to me was letting you go. I love you. I love you more than anything in the world, my mom, my dad, my sister. Out of any of them you are higher. You helped me get through the hardest experiences in my life and I let you go. Like a balloon in the wind! I just let go. That was my mistake. I never wanted to. Not one moment! I was scared. I realize now that in a relationship, there has to be a balance of support and I didn't give that to you. You deserve it though. I will support you with anything, even planning to murder me! Just take me back, take me back, so we can love again…" I was crying slightly when I finished.

I looked up, for now I was indeed curious of his expression. Yet when eyes rise, hearts fall and they fall so deep that it seems you will never retrieve them back.

Eli was there, stunned with no smirk. Yet his eyes looked glad as they glowed in the night. Yet my heart evaporated when I saw two thin arms wrap around his shoulders to reveal the determined, cruel face of a girl I recognized from drama class: Imogen. Her slender figure and flawless face made me sick to my stomach but I would say one thing before I would depart.

"But you never even loved me at all, did you?" and with that I ran, I ran so hard and so fast that my feet burned inside my flats. I ran so determined that the tears in my eyes flew out, right off my face. I sobbed so much that breathing became impossible, yet I sprinted on. In the distance behind me I heard yelling. Yelling is something that I wanted to do. I wanted to yell at myself for being so stupid. So naïve! To think that I could let go of a rocket and grab on three minutes after it departed? Such a silly girl for even trying. I had left him, alone and he grabbed the next best thing. A beautiful girl in drama had taken my spot in his heart.

I knew where I would run.

The old cliff that Eli and I used to sit on Morty at while watching the sky.

We had been there when he had invited me on that road trip when things had just begun to crumble. He wouldn't remember. I could go there with ease. I could jump there and I could fall onto the flat ground below it and crumble like our love did. Who did I have now? Who! Alli was with Jenna, Adam was with his new girlfriend, and Jake was out of the question. Who did I have? I had me, but not for long. I would jump and I would end this tragic dream that's opacity of darkness ruined my heart into an empty pit.

I approached the clearing. It didn't take all too long to get here. It was just outside Degrassi. I came to the exact spot where we had kissed for the Shakespeare video project and touched the table with my fingers letting go in pain. I found where we had laid next to each other and just talked about us and our future. That was gone and I walked off. Then with many nerves, I approached the edge. The drop was at least seventy feet down, enough to break my bones hopefully. I looked down and breathed a deep, cleansing breath. I felt relief fly off of me like a breeze from the warm ocean water and I relaxed. I didn't fear death because death doesn't change you. It sends you to Heaven where God and his son Jesus await you to never judge yet love you indefinitely. It leaves me the same but free. That when I jumped.

Everything went by slow. The shriek of terror went the slowest, only because I recognized the voice. Eli had been there. He had seen. I heard him curse himself.

"God! Why God? Why would you let this happen to her? Can you not recognize the innocence? Please! Just bring her back! I need her!" I could hear the sobs as I fell. I needed him, too.

I felt an overwhelming pain as I landed hardly upon the rough and rocky ground. I knew everything was broken but I felt whole. If those were the last words I would hear and for that I was glad. I saw the path that led down from the cliff and a boy in all black came sprinting full speed with tears right up next to me. Twigs crackled below him as he got down on his knees in front of me. The world became slower and slower as he rushed around me.

I opened my eyes to see Eli's flawless face in front of me as he rests my head in his lap. I look intently into his eyes.

"You knew where to come. You knew," I choked out painfully.

Eli laughed a pained laugh and then spoke, "How could I forget where we had been? You must have a little more faith in me than that!"

I laughed and it hurt my shattered ribs. "You love Imogen don't you? You never loved me…"

"Clare, we were going over a drama skit and she got the wrong idea. I kicked her out quick. I only love one girl!"

"Julia?" I pondered.

Eli answered by softly touching his lips to mine and gingerly holding my head up. I tried to kiss him back but I was too weak to move.

The world began to blur as I drew back from him and my body became numb. I closed my eyes. I could barely hear now.

"Clare! Clare! I'm going to fix this; we're going to the hospital!" Eli yelled loudly as his tears got heavier. He put one arm between my head and my shoulders and the other behind my knees as he lifted me and began walking me up the path to the hearse.

We got there and I closed my eyes once more as he laid me along the bench of the front seat before he sat down next to me and laid my head in his lap again. He kept muttering to himself and all I heard from the little atheist boy was "Dear God, holy Lord…" and then a long prayer from the heart.

I was trying my hardest not to fall asleep into death as we pulled up to the hospital and he grabbed me again and rushed me into the emergency room.

"My girlfriend fell off of a cliff and she won't make it unless she gets a doctor now!" Eli screamed at the receptionist. But all I heard was _my girlfriend_ and I melted a little more.

He laid me on a gurney and held my broken hand in his hand as nurses and doctors rushed me into a room and began ripping off my shirt to place monitors and IV cables. The last thing I saw was Eli mouth "I will always love you," before I went down under meds.

**Thank you for reading one of my amateur stories once more! Please comment, favorite, and read all my other stories! Go to my profile and click the link to my website to read my personal original stories that I wrote! **

**Love XOXO,**

**MadameLivi**


	2. Chapter 2

I Will Wake Up for You

I had drifted back from a certain thoughtlessness to hear an array of uneven beeps. I forcefully tried to open my eyes when at last I saw a room in all white: a hospital room.

I looked around, groaning in pain, as I saw chords and monitors all leading up to my body. It was scary. I looked down and both my legs were in casts along with one arm. My chest was in a lot of pain along with my head. I looked to my side to see no other than Eli sitting with my unbroken hand in his. He was staring at the floor so I squeezed his hand a little to show him I was awake.

He looked up at me, green eyes surrounded by red, red surrounded my pink, and pink surround by a grave expression yet a sudden relief.

"Thank God you're awake, I was getting even more worried," he said as he sat up taller looking into my eyes. I tried to smile.

"What's their diagnosis for me?" I croaked out slowly as Eli let one quick tear fall.

"Well they tell me that your arms and legs are properly repaired so they will heal in two months," he said trying to smile.

"Elijah, I know there's more," I said as he frowned a little.

Eli paused, staring down at the hospital floor and letting out a small whimper. His eyes looked up to reveal a dark crushing pain that wanted to hold on, it was something I had never seen.

"They say that one of your ribs collapsed into your lungs and something hit your heart in the fall. They say there's a chance they'll be able to fix it up. So you'll be okay!" he cried as he smiled wide.

"Eli," I groaned, "When someone says there is a chance, it is slim. It doesn't mean they can undo the happenings, they can patch them. I am still broken. I can feel it. I feel numb. I feel less cautious. I feel like letting go would mean letting go of life."

"No, the doctors say there's a chance they can fix you! They will fix you! We belong together! We do!" Eli yelled with sobs. I had not heard him this livid since the night he had crashed Morty. I hushed him as I laid my hand on top of his.

"God already gave us a second chance. I should have been crushed when I jumped off of that cliff, but he let me stay longer so I could see you once more and tell you that I love you one last time. Isn't that magical enough?" I faintly smiled.

"This is my fault. Why did I become some crazy psycho? If I hadn't been so dumb we wouldn't have broken up and you wouldn't have jumped. We could be happy and together forever," he sobbed so hardly that his eyes squinted shut as tears poured out onto his pale cheeks.

"But do you know what is so bittersweet about how it did end?" I softly asked him as I rubbed his hand with my finger.

"What?" Eli asked as he wiped a few tears.

I scooted a few of the monitor wires out of the way and patted the bed for Eli to lie next to me. He scooted carefully onto the bed and laid my head on his chest.

"We are still together and we still love each other indefinitely in the end. And even though this might be the last place we are together, we can still say we will always remember it," I spoke softly and evenly before a cried just a little bit. Eli rubbed the back of my head that was covered in dry blood.

"Do you remember when you ran over my glasses and got out of Morty to tell me I had pretty eyes?" I looked straight in front of me trying not to cry.

"Of course," Eli said flatly.

"Do you remember the Romeo and Juliet film and how we had our first kiss?"

"How could I not?"

The walls became a little blurry and I began to feel a lot of pain.

"Do you remember how you made me your girlfriend after I 'twisted your rubber arm'?" I giggled painfully.

"Mhmm," Eli cried slightly.

"Do you remember kissing me in the library after defending me and then our first date?" I uncovered my ear to show our matching piercing. He showed me his.

"Do you remember how much we love each other?" I looked up with care into his eyes as he nodded with a smile.

I heard footsteps arrive at the doorway as my mother and father walked in with tears cascading off their cheeks.

"My baby!" cried out my mother as she grabbed my free hand that was casted up. She wept into my side.

"Clare-Bear, how do you feel?" my father asked me as he wiped a tear from under his eye.

"A little bit of pain but not too much of it," I said with a small smile. My mother looked at Eli with a smile.

"We can't thank you enough for finding her. You are so much like a part of our family so me and Clare's father," she said as she rubbed the top of Eli's head.

My two parents pulled up chairs on the opposite side of the bed that Eli's was on and sat down. They were both praying, but not out loud. Eli held me softly.

"I know it sounds odd because I am only fifteen, but I feel complete. I have had enough drama to fill the ocean. I've loved someone so much I couldn't love another. I've had two caring parents for my whole life. I had a sister who supported me. I had great grades in school. I feel…successful, in a way. Like, I accomplished so much in so little time. I'm actually very proud of that," I croaked softly. I let out a heavy cough as my lungs hurt horribly. I lifted out my hand as I realized it was splattered in blood. I had just coughed up _blood_.

"Oh my gosh!" my mother cried out as she and my father ran to get a doctor.

I turned to Eli with a soft grin. I tried to comfort him before I broke him the news.

"I think it's time…" I trailed off as he began to cry hard again.

"Don't forget me," he begged.

"It seems like only yesterday it was the time of our lives," I croaked.

"I love you," he said softly.

"I love you more," I said as he kissed my forehead.

"I'll never find someone like you," he sobbed slightly.

"Maybe that's the magic of this," I grinned up at him.

I'm not going to say that Eli saw it coming, or that I recovered and we grew old together. I'm not going to say that we had a beautiful wedding and lived in a wonderful home. Because none of that happened. I'm going to tell you that I squeezed his hand muttered my last "I love you" and then let go.

Like a balloon in the wind…

**Thank you for reading my first tragedy story. Tune in soon for an Epilogue! Go to my profile to check out a website of my personal original books. PLEASE REVIEW AND FOLLOW MY STORIES!**

**Love XOXO,**

**MadameLivi**


	3. Chapter 3

To Never Love Another

(Epilogue)

Eli looked in the mirror of his room that was covered in trash once more. He was already crying, but what was new? He had cried nonstop all week. He gazed upon the black suit with his black dress shirt underneath. In his hand was a beautiful white rose that was in perfect condition.

His mother came into his room wearing a black dress. She looked down at her baby thinking about the emotions that his beloved's parents must be feeling right now. She rested a hand on his shoulder as he looked up teary eyes. He followed her downstairs as she led him to her car. He began sobbing even harder.

"CeCe, this can't be the way it ends," he sobbed into his hands.

"Life is filled with impossibilities that become real," CeCe cried a little. Her baby never cried in front of anyone. He was falling apart.

"Are you ready?" she asked sympathetically to Eli. He only nodded into his tear covered hands as CeCe started the car and drove off to where they would put an end to her son's happiness. She dreaded it more than a bullet to the mouth.

Eli looked out of the window in the car, tracing his eyes over the rainy scene that they car raced by. It showed sadness. So much sadness that he closed his eyes to cut out the misery that was somehow always there. His mother parked the car and got out. He never moved a muscle. She waited a couple minutes and then came and opened the door for him and led him into the church.

Mr. and Ms. Edwards waited at the first pew for him. They each held out a hand so that he may grab it. They led him to the alter where she was. He gasped back some tears as Ms. Edwards rubbed his back.

She was dressed in white. She looked at peace. How? She went in the exact opposite way. Eli sobbed and grabbed her hand. She still looked beautiful. She was still her. She was still his. She was gone though. Her cold hand would never squeeze his back when he grabbed it. Her eyes would never glow the same blue as the sky ever again. Her cheeks would never catch the rush of blood when she would blush her gorgeous emotion. She'd never tell him that she loved him again. She was gone. He couldn't catch her.

Eli placed the pure white rose in her hand as he kissed his palm and laid it on her forehead. He grew weak as he sobbed again by her side.

"Let's go sit down, Sweetie," Ms. Edwards said as she led him to the family's private pew.

Eli soaked in every word as the priest spoke of heaven and his beloved's second life. He soaked it in forever. Yet he sobbed harder as her parents rubbed his back.

It all rushed by until it came his turn to talk about her. He got up naturally. He had nothing on paper. He didn't need it. He simply knew.

He rose to the podium behind her open casket. He sobbed a little more before he looked out upon the entire chapel. He saw strangers and friends. Adam and Alli sat in the back crying hardly as I went up to the microphone. I opened my mouth and it all flowed naturally.

"Clare. She was more than the world to me. She was the only thing that I needed in life, and now she's gone. When we were together there was this magic in the air that I will never forget. Clare was beautiful inside and out. She was a genius, she was kind, she was lovely, and she was mine. But somewhere along the way we accidently let go. I finally got her back one week ago. The day she died. She died! I found her alive after she jumped a cliff in sadness. I told her how much I loved her and she returned the same emotion. I remember planning out our entire lives together. It was to be beautiful. She was going to wear a beautiful white dress when we got married outside in a blooming meadow. We were going to be authors. We were going to have a beautiful house with enough room for two children. We wanted two girls: Christina and Bethany. If we got a boy his name would be Benjamin. We were going to have Thanksgiving with our whole families in our new house. Christmas would be alone with just us and our babies. We had it all planned out. It took one single mistake to crush all of this. It burned like a dry tree and now all I have is the ashes of memories. Our relationship was always easy, natural. We just flowed together. I wish that she would just be here again. So I could hold her once more. It shouldn't be over. I was actually ironically going to purpose the day she graduated high school. I already knew I'd get her a beautiful silver ring. I ended up getting it anyways," Eli lifted a silver ring from his pocket and held it up for the people to see, "I will always love you Clare Diane Edwards. But now I have to let go. I love you forever and I'll never find someone like you. Never, my love."

Eli walked to her casket and slipped the ring onto her finger as he sobbed hard. He walked to her parents where Adam, Alli, and Darcy waited with them. They went and lifted her casket and led it down the aisle. Time seemed to run slow as the crying audience's faces watched as Eli gravely, yet gingerly walked Clare's casket to where he had left Morty outside of the chapel last night. He opened the back and they laid her casket down in the back. He cried more and more as he went to the driver's seat and started the hearse up. Eli and Clare began their grave ride to the cemetery five miles away.

"This isn't how I wanted to let go. Clare, I hope you know I'll never love another person now that you're gone. It's funny in a grave way, I keep on praying that you're still alive back there and are going to open up the top of that damn casket so you can come sit in the front of the car with me like you always did," Eli waited for her to respond, praying that he had just given the magic cue. But she never opened it. She never came and sat next to him in her beautiful white lace dress. She wasn't there.

He sobbed against the wheel as he stopped at the stoplight by Degrassi. He could see the table that they'd shared their first kiss at. He could see the trees where they had laid in a hammock together. He saw it all.

The light turned green and they approached the cemetery he parked right in the clearing as Mr. Edwards, Ms. Edwards, Alli, Darcy, and Adam all came to help carry his beloved again.

They came to a gravestone in the rows that was shaped in a cross. I read CLARE DIANE EDWARDS: _A wonderful and lovely daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend. Let God let her rest in peace._

Eli and the others gingerly laid her down as one more prayer was read. An hour passed and everyone eventually left. That is, everyone but Eli.

He sat in front of her stone for three hours more as he sobbed and cried. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. He kept on crying in the rain until something unordinary happened.

The clouds parted just right to wear the light only hit her grave. The light sparkled slightly and Eli recognized the shade of the sky immediately. It was the shade of Clare's eyes. This was from her.

A sharp, warm wind hit Eli as a figure came out from behind the trees. She was dressed in all white with beautiful ivory skin. She had short, light brown curls that surrounded her face. She had the eyes of the sky. It was Clare.

She was grinning as she came up to Eli and set her hand on his shoulder. He smiled and all his tears dried. Clare stroked his cheek with her cold hand as she smiled.

"Clare, you came back," Eli mused to her. She giggled.

"I had to see you once more, especially after you gifted me this beautiful ring," she said in the same voice she had always had. She held up her left hand and gestured to her ring finger.

"You got it," Eli said with a smile.

"Gifts from the heart always go to the recipient," Clare said.

Eli took her smooth cheek in his hand and kissed her slowly as she kissed him back. This was their last together. This was their final happening. They released each other.

Clare hugged Eli tight as her light began to fade.

"Promise me you'll never forget me," she said into his shoulder. Eli let a tear fall onto the grass below them.

"Never," Eli said with more tears.

They held on a little longer.

"Is this the last time I will ever see you?" Eli choked under tears.

"Physically, yes, but I will always be with you mentally," she said as she patted back his hair. He sobbed again.

"I do not want to let you go," he sobbed into her shoulder.

"We cannot always keep what we want at hand, but we may always keep it at heart," Clare said as she began to rise in the light.

"I will love you until the end of eternity and time," Eli said as he held her hands while she was being pulled in the sky.

"I will love you for that and then more," Clare said to him with a sob.

Eli let go of one of her hands and then took in her image one last time. Her beauty and her grace would always stay present in his mind.

For the last time, Eli let go of Clare. He watched her drift away in the wind and I believe he would state it just as I did first.

He let go of her like a balloon in the wind. I should know, of course because I'm the one he let go. I am the one that never got to come back. I'm the one that let go of her second chance…

**I hope you loved my first tragedy book. If you want more books like this comment! Sorry to EliLover, soccerrox4, and beattleslover230 for causing you to cry! I hope you did enjoy this epilogue though! Please check out my original books on my website linked on my profile!**

**Love XOXO,**

**MadameLivi**


	4. Continuing This Story!

Greetings readers! This is probably going to annoy you more than anything else I could possibly do, but I wanted to inform you that To Let Go of a Second Chance is going to continue! In a way…

As most of you know I also write stories with original characters on my personal website (link on my profile). I really thought that this story had a powerful grasp to it that I hadn't had on my other books in a while. Even I, the author, cried when I read it. The paths of two people that we want deep down to pull through and then in the end they fail when they come so close, well that is a hard pill to swallow.

The original story actually does have the same title! It will have the same ending but with different moments. In a way, I used this as an experiment to write and even better novel. I figured if it brought some emotion to a few readers I could pull some success from it.

So with no further commentary, I present to you a brief summary of To Let Go of a Second Chance.

I am no perfect girl. I have seen every one that I have ever known find even just a brief love. My mother and father said moving across town would be easy. They said this new private school would be great. They never told me what would be there though.

I've met a few nice people of course. A girl name Melanie was on my tennis team, she was extremely nice. A boy in math, Justin, he was pretty kind too. But where kindness is found, anger awaits in the shadows. Sadie. She was a mean senior who only cared for herself. She was also on my tennis team. We were to battle to see who was to play number one. But she and her mother threatened me with words. Indirectly of course. They only told my mother's best friend Diane.

There was one more person I met and I couldn't tell if he was kind or strange. He wasn't dark but he wasn't bright. He wasn't social, yet he wasn't shy. He was **(YOUR CHOICE FANFIC READERS! COMMENT WITH EITHER THE NAME ****LEO**** OR ****LAYNE****! WHICHEVER ONE YOU FAVOR WRITE IT AND COMMENT SO I CAN GIVE A NAME TO THIS NEW BOY!)**. He had held me tight but then we parted. He had tried so hard to grab me back but I was lost. He wasn't what I had thought. I remember the things that Sadie had cause me to go through. The horrible things that I couldn't let go of. So I let go of me…

But my love was still there.

**Again sorry for taking up your time but the excitement of this new book is taking over me! Please do comment with either Leo or Layne so I can name my second star character! I am so thankful for all of you!**

**Love XOXO,**

**MadameLivi**


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